the Cysterhood

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).If you don't know what PCOS is, then there are many lovely places to learn about this charming condition.You can go here or here or here for more information.

I shan't bore you with details, but my own symptoms include obesity, high blood pressure, weird periods and a luxurious beard.

Moo and I have been actively trying to get pregnant for about 7 months now. I say actively, because I haven't been practicing any kind of birth control in a year and a half. Before November of last year, Moo and I just had the attitude of if it happens, it happens .Since November, I've been using a fertility monitor called an OV Watch. You can check it out here.

So while we're still not obsessing about getting pg, we are trying to time sex a little better.
This leads me to my latest little encounter. I've been experiencing some pelvic pain since Saturday. On Monday, I took like 4 Goody powders (the greatest invention ever) for what I thought was menstrual cramps from hell. Tuesday morning, I got up, got ready for work, and felt decidedly sore. Inasmuch as I was meeting with a potential new employer that afternoon, I ignored the pain and kept going. However, within 35 minutes I was in hysterics from the pain and had decided to go to the emergency room instead of to work.

After 5 hours at the ER and the most painful ultrasound ever, the diagnosis is a walnut sized cyst on my right ovary.

Wednesday was a trip to my gynecologist’s office for tests and not much else. Because Moo and I are still trying to get pregnant, there's only so much that can be done for an ovarian cyst. So we're watching it and I'll get another ultrasound (Oh boy!) next month.

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What I want

So if I don't want to be cubicle fodder, what do I want?

As part of my Secret homework, I've been putting off this exercise.

Why? Because I'm afraid that if I voice it, it won't happen or that it will.

This is painful. I've spent the last few months working on convincing myself that I have the power to make these kinds of decisions instead of having things happen to me. But that is painful. Knowing that I had a choice instead of being a victim of circumstance is a very powerful thing.

So what do I want?

1. I want to be happy.
2. I want to have a loving and caring mate in life.
3. I want children.
4. I want a comfortable home with plenty of space for entertaining but cozy enough for an afternoon with a book and a beverage.
5. I want to work for myself. I want to determine my own career destiny. I want to open my own scrapbooking store and have time to show others how much fun scrapping is.
6. I want enough money to what we want, when we want. I want to have enough money to give away. I want enough money to start a trust fund for hospice patients who don't have medical insurance, but aren't poor enough to qualify for Medicare/Medicaid/public assistance.
7. I want to be healthy and thin. I want to hike up Stone Mountain without feeling like I'm gonna die. I want to be able to shop at any store I like.

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Why I hate my job

I work for a major HR outsourcing company. I work in technical support where I help customers make their software and their processes (primarily payroll processes) work like they should. I am very good and my job and in the few months since I've been with this company, I've been a real success. I have clients singing my praises. I've received a number of good reviews from my superiors and I even got a bonus recently. Despite all that, I hate my job.

You would think that with this success, I'd really be enjoying it. I mean, who doesn't thrive on success and praise? The problem is that no matter how hard I work at succeeding, I don't feel like I matter to the success of the company.

The group I'm in is the worst performing as far as revenues go. We've got crappy furniture (the rest of the building has been refurbished and has new furniture).We're the last to get any recognition. And our new president has threatened to outsource us to India.

When I'm out of work for a day, whether planned or not, I don't feel like I'm missed. I just don't feel like I matter there.

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Risky behaviour

A new study has proven that adolescents are far more likely to engage in risky behavior than other folks.

I say... Did you really need to fund a study to come up with these results? I mean, how many of us did stuff our parents told us not to (bungee jump, make out in the back of cars, do drugs, etc?)

The survey goes on to say that the way to deal with this is by:

"The best approach to helping teens stay safe probably involves controlling
opportunities for them to get in trouble by enforcing laws restricting the sale
of alcohol to minors, expanding access to mental health care and birth control,
raising the driving age, and good old fashioned parenting... "

The report goes on to say that:

“the cognitive control system responsible for regulating emotions, controlling
impulses, delaying gratification and withstanding peer pressure doesn't fully
mature until young people reach their 20s”

So, should the alcohol sales age be raised to 25? 30?

How about driving? Should we raise it to 25?

Hmm... what about other things we allow these irresponsible youth to do? Like getting married? In most states you can legally marry at 16 - some states, it's even lower (in New Hampshire, it's 13 for girls and 14 for boys).

Oh and hey, you can VOTE when you turn 18! Well, no risky adolescent should be allowed to vote! They might elect someone good for a change who doesn't embarrass the US in world relations! The very idea is frightening!

And what about our military? You can legally join the military at 18 - can even sign up while you're 17! This behavior is far too dangerous for a young impressionable dangerous adolescent to do!

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How I met my husband, Moo

I met my husband during a long strange day.

My best friend, Kimmy, ultimately got Moo and I together. Kimmy was in the Navy at the time and was transferring from a base in south Georgia to Seattle. Because of this, Kimmy was spending the weekend in the Atlanta area having fun with friends here.

Kimmy had tried to get Moo and I to meet for about 5 years. The first time that I had an opportunity to meet, I was dating Psycho Scott. Psycho Scott was insanely jealous of Kimmy and I decided not to go for a romp with Kimmy and friends. there were some other opportunities for meeting Moo, but for whatever reason, it just didn't happen.

On this particular day, we decided to spend the day at the local renaissance festival. Kimmy left my house (where she was staying for the weekend) and went to get Moo. Having been one of these all day jaunts with Kimmy in the past, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know a new guy that I had just started dating.

Then, Kimmy and Moo swung by my house (I had something I had to do before that - I don't remember what) and picked me and my date (soon to be called Second Skin Boy or just Skin boy -I'll explain) up and off we went to the Renn Fest.

The first time I saw Moo, I remember wishing I'd hadn't invited Skin Boy. Second Skin Boy was a very nice guy and I genuinely hope that he did well. However, he was clingy. While I am an affectionate person and like public displays of affection, this guy would not STOP TOUCHING me.

Once at the Renn Fest, I spent most of the day trying to get away from Skin Boy. If he wasn't holding my hand (preventing me from doing anything with that hand), he had his arm around my shoulder or his hand rubbing my back or just holding on to my shirt. He was also picking up some serious vibes between me and Moo and would purposefully STAND BETWEEN us when Moo and I were talking. Moo and I kept casting covert glances at each other all through the day and would talk when in lines or when we went to a local restaurant for dinner.

By the end of the day, I was totally disgusted by Skin Boy and totally infatuated with Moo. I never talked to Skin Boy, but found out that his next love was a large hairy swedish woman.

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I AM STARVING

As discussed in a previous post, I'm following the Weigh Down Diet.

WD tries to get you to get to the heart of the matter (quite literally) by helping you to determine the difference between what the writer refers to as head hunger versus stomach hunger. Amazingly, I thought I knew the difference.

The first task in the book is to wait for hunger. Wait for REAL hunger... not "my mouth wants something to chew" or "I'm bored and I'm hungry" or "It's lunchtime - let's eat". I went through fasting last week until I felt true hunger.

MAN! There's a real difference. When I'm REALLY TRULY hungry, I feel almost nauseous. My stomach tightens.

So here I am. I've been waiting for hunger. And I AM STARVING. Suddenly, I feel the little twinge that indicates YES! I am HUNGRY! I have a couple of saltines with peanut butter on them... much better. I REALLY want to get control of this... I REALLY am tired of feeling like crap all the time. LORD please help me get control.

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Weight Loss A Go-Go

I started a new weight loss plan about 3 weeks ago.



No definites on how I'm doing because I vowed I wouldn't check the scale again or measure again until February.



I'm going through the Weigh Down program. It's a Christian bibically based plan with the premise of eating only when you're hungry and stopping eating when you're full. Yeah, I know it's a crazy plan and it sounds simple enough but the truth is that it's really hard.



I have no problems admitting that I have a problem with food; when I was in therapy, I realized that I've always used food as a drug - to make me feel better, to give me something to do when I'm bored, etc. My therapist pointed out that after a binge you feel so bad about binging or you feel so physically bad from all the food that you still don't have to think about what it is that IS bothering you.



Truthfully, I don't think too much about what it is that's really bothering me. Given the day, time, situation, etc it could be anything.

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This is my 45th time I've started a blog...

More about me: 36, fat, funny, irreverant. Married to a fabulous man for the past 6 (nearly 7 years) No kids yet. A rambunctious Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Indy. A yellow collared Macaw named Cosmo. I work in technical support for a large HR outsourcing company.

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