Freak

My brain persists in moving about 4000 miles an hour. I was awake at 3:30 this morning wondering at what point my husband should start calling our "Must call" list after the baby is born.

Let me explain: We, according to all the books and websites, have dutifully put together a list of the people - folks like Moo's parents and sister as well as my aunt and our close friends - that need to be notified ASAP that the baby has been born. A number of these folks have also been instructed that it's their job to then call a few more people - a call tree if you like. I've also created a list of folks that I need/want to call myself when I'm able - like the Short Term Disability provider for my company and other folks who won't feel neglected if I wait to call them until I'm up to it.

At 3:30, I'm awake for the bathroom which is what you do when you are 34 weeks pregnant with a linebacker and she's got her head firmly pressed on your bladder and my mind starts wandering.

I had a appointment with the perinatologist's office yesterday where we decided to increase my evening insulin intake (blech!) and that Spider Monkey is now an estimated SEVEN pounds.

Yes, she's grown 1/2 pound in the last week - which is wonderful actually - she was averaging a pound a week before that... But, we're still inching closer to the criteria everyday that a C-section goes from possible to probable with my OB/GYN group so I'm thinking about the c-section itself.

Anyway, I had an appendectomy when I was 17 so I have some idea of what stomach surgery is like. According to my midwife, the experiences (time in the hospital, healing time, etc) should be similar except for the fact that I'll come out of the hospital with a shiny new baby in addition to a brand new incision and eventual scar.

My appendectomy was largely a walk in the park. I felt pretty ok within 48 hours of the surgery and didn't need much of the pain medication (Demoral) that was prescribed. Now, I understand that it's been - MY GOD, has it been that long?!?! - 20 years since I had this experience and that I am now older (YIKES) and fatter, but I still have some expectation that within a few days, I'll be up and about although probably not running marathons, shingling the roof or playing the piano - none of which I am capable of now.

But how will the addition of a newborn play into this? Surely, I'll be tired and sore from the surgery, as well as excited and apprehensive about the baby. I'm sure that the fatigue of dealing with a newborn and all the toys/accessories that come with her and her care will kick my ass. But, I've been told there's some downtime and that I should bring magazines, books and other activities to occupy my mind those first few days in the hospital. This is when I assume I'll be making calls to the second list.

Back to when Moo should call the Must Call list - right after birth? No, we're going to want to spend time with the munchkin before she gets sleepy (all the books say they are wide awake for about an hour after birth and then get REALLY sleepy). Right after that? Likely. I'm assuming I'll be begging for pain medication about that time. We've made a worksheet for Moo to use to call people that includes a little script for what he'll say (well not an actual script, but has a place on it for the time of birth, birth weight, length and all the other things folks generally want to know right after birth).

Thinking this way is probably as futile as putting together a birth plan for a perfect birth (check out Julie's thoughts about birth plans here.) For the most part, there is no perfect textbook birth so yes, birth plans are pretty futile. So I can sit here, 34 weeks 3 days pregnant and make lofty plans about how I'll feel and what I'll do in the hours after they cut open my body and rip a human being out of my gut.

My problem, of course, is that I am a control freak and want to monitor/control everything I possibly can. But I'm learning that pregnancy and childbirth is largely about surrender. You can't control pregnancy any more than you can herd housecats. You can have good intentions and the outcome will generally be successful, but it's probably not going to look like the outcome you envisioned.