How we got here...

Tuesday, July 15 found me at home. My back was still killing me. If you remember, I went to see Hellboy II on Saturday and the baby dropped while we were there. She was sitting directly on my sciatic nerve causing me extreme pain and difficulty walking.

I spoke to a midwife via phone Monday night when the pain just wouldn't ease up. She suggested a couple of Tylenol PM and a warm bath and visit to the office the next morning.

So, I stayed at home Tuesday and Moo did as well. He is so sweet and took really good care of me.

Tuesday afternoon, I had an appointment at House O'Babies and the Perinatologist. Just before we left for the OB/GYN appointment, I got a call from the perinatologist's office. It was Jen, one of Dr P's nurses to update me on the amniocentesis. Spider Monkey's lungs were now mature and they were going to consult with House O'Babies.

So by the time I got there, Dr R (a very nice doctor from South Africa) was ready to talk about our next step. After talking about the size of the baby, my back and how tall I am, he asked me to strongly consider a c-section. I was in so much pain that it didn't take much to convince me.

So we were scheduled for a c-section the NEXT morning. Meanwhile, I needed to get over to the hospital for blood work and preregistration, go to my appointment with Dr P, get our animals to the vet for boarding and eventually get some dinner. Needless to say, there was a lot of running around which was REALLY difficult considering how bad my back was.

At Dr P's office, we got a final look at Spider Monkey on ultrasound and a final estimate on weight (8 pounds 11 ounces) and then we were off to the hospital across the street for blood work and paperwork. Then it was back home to get the pets packed and taken to the vet for boarding.

About 8PM, we were finally able to get some dinner.

Next morning, I was awake bright and early. My back was still killing me. I was having trouble walking. Moo dropped me off at the door of the hospital and I got signed in. Quickly, everything started to move ahead.

We were sent to the c-section pre-op area where I put on a clean gown and was prepped for surgery. A cavalcade of folks started to introduce themselves to me: the OB/GYN who would be doing the surgery, the assisting OB/GYN, their nurse, the OR nurse, and the anesthesiologist's physician's assistant (to be known as the Gay PA).

I was walked to the OR and was helped onto the table. Because of my back, this was a slow arduous process. Finally, I was on the table and positioned for a spinal block. I had to practice arching my back while they swabbed my back with the coldest stuff on Earth. I asked if they kept it in the refrigerator just to torture folks.

The anesthesiologist came in then and started to place the block. This was not the most pleasant thing I've ever experienced, but compared with the last amniocentesis was no big deal. The doctor was futzing with the needle and it was my job to stay in position and to tell him what I felt. What I felt was a shock down first one leg and then the other. The Gay PA then asked if I could stretch my back out anymore. Sure I said and bent over a little more. That allowed the anesthesiologist to slide the needle right in. The Gay PA said, "Why didn't you do that before?" I said because they said they wanted me to arch my back like a cat - leaning way over didn't feel like I was arching anything.

Anyway, the doctor started putting in the medicine and I had to quickly get into place while I could still move my legs. I seriously felt for a minute like I was falling off the table, but the Gay PA grabbed me and said that I wasn't falling. I lay down and quickly felt this lovely warm feeling through my legs and into my back.

How can I describe what it feels like to have a spinal block? For one thing, you still feel things. I couldn't feel pain (the doctor was poking me with a scalpel and all I felt was a brushing feeling), but I could feel movement. It felt a lot like when your foot falls asleep. You can still feel it when you touch it with your hand, but you can't tell what's happening.

The Gay PA kept me well informed the whole time. When I felt my legs being moved, he told me that a catheter was being inserted - sorry, you don't get any modesty while having a baby. Then, my arms were extended and strapped down. Things were attached to my fingers and a drape was placed. I could feel the same FREEZING cold liquid on my belly as they got my belly ready for surgery. Then, the surgeons came in and started poking me to be sure I was good and numb. Moo was brought in and seated in the chair of honor next to my head. He was suited up in a gown, cap and mask so all I could see of him was his eyes.

Seemingly within a couple of minutes, an odor wafted through the air. Gay PA leaned over to me and said, "What you're smelling is the cauterizing knife we use to minimize bleeding."

"So, that's the smell of my flesh burning?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"Smells like bacon," I said more to myself than to the PA.

"I don't like to tell people that cause they freak out, but yeah, it smells like bacon," said the Gay PA.

"Bibbity bobbity BACON!" I declared with my eyes closed.

I mostly dozed thru a lot of it. Within what seemed like just a couple of minutes, Gay PA told Moo to get his camera ready. Then I could feel some pressure and then something like a PLOP! And then they were saying she was out and Moo was snapping photos like crazy.

Moo and the baby were taken to another room for examination while the doctors patched me up. I dozed for most of it, but I remember one particular moment when I felt like I was suffocating. Gay PA started giving me meds to combat the feeling and at my request, moved a blanket covering my chest away from my face.

And then it was over. They were removing the drape and releasing my arms and I was moved from the operating table to a gurney to be moved to recovery.

In recovery, I was placed next to Phoebe who was explaining to the staff in very loud uncertain terms her opinion of being in the world. She was struggling to breathe a little and a NICU nurse was evaluating her and suctioning fluid out of her lungs. I didn't find this surprising since we'd just gotten the all clear on lung maturity and the fact that she didn't get the benefit of the squeeze in the birth canal to help her clear them.

After a few minutes, they took us to our room on one of the Mother/Baby floors. I have to back up here. The hospital where Spider Monkey was born has an amazing Maternity area. They have a separate building dedicated to Birthing. One floor is dedicated to birth, the other 4 floors are all post-partum rooms. And the post-partum rooms are GIGANTIC!!

We got to our Mother/Baby (post-partum) room and then my nurse decided that SM was struggling a little too hard to breathe and sent her down to NICU for evaluation. This facility has a level 3 NICU unit and has a sub-unit called "Transitional NICU" for babies that are either close to being discharged or just need a little extra care but don't need full intensive care. Phoebe was sent to "Transition" for about 5 hours. Before she was sent, I got to hold her for maybe 30 minutes.

If anything, this is the thing I regret the most. I only had a few minutes with her before she was whisked away and when she was brought back to me, the spinal block had worn off and I was beginning to feel some pain.

Nevertheless, I was able to bond with my baby that night as she screamed her way through the evening. At one point, Moo and I were looking at each other at about 3 am like "What the hell have we done?" She passed out at about 5AM and we followed her.

Next day, she was sweet and engaging and just a joy to be around.

Stir Crazy

Let's meander thru Amanda's thought processes a little, shall we?

First, I went to my primary care doc last week to check on my back. I love my PCP. He was also the doc to my grandmother, father and mother and he sees Moo as well. He's covered us all and he's only in his mid-forties. He oohed and ahhed over little Miss Phoebe and then checked me out. He agreed with the sciatica diagnosis, but wanted me to have a urine culture too to eliminate that from the list. Yesterday, I got a call that I do indeed have a urinary tract infection and I'm on lovely Bactrim to deal with it.

What's so bad about this is that I haven't been feeling good at all, but have been ignoring it largely because I'm almost 4 weeks postpartum and figured it was all part of that. I've actually been healing quite well from the c-section, but have been really tired and achy lately and just figured that I was overdoing my activities.

As noted in another post, my back and the c-section healing have caused me to become a little stir-crazy, so when I do get out of the house, I am more likely to do something incredibly stupid like wander around the mall or around Baby Nirvana (BRU) for long periods of time until my back is starting to tighten up. As with other things with me, I have no idea what "slow and steady" means. As a result, when we get home, I'm on the couch or in bed bitching and complaining about my back and crying in frustration.

The baby is doing really well. Moo and I seem to understand how to take care of this little creature and with the exception of a few times, our home is still relatively quiet. She's a really good baby and just doesn't cry that much. (except for today when she wants to be held all day!!)

As noted above, there is still a little bit of weepiness, but it has largely passed (THANK GOODNESS!!). Now, I'm into feeling guilty.

When my back is bothering me at night, I need help from Moo and it just kills me to ask it of him. Yes, I know this is his kid too and yes, I know I just had major surgery a few weeks ago now along with a UTI making me feeling like crap. But, logic doesn't apply here.

I feel like since he's leaving home everyday to go to work that he should be able to rest a bit when he gets home. I hate to be the kind of wife that comes up with some insane number of tasks that need to be completed the moment he walks in the door. I'd like to enjoy his company and would like him to have time with Phoebe as well.

Ok - so I lied

This writing coherent thoughts while taking care of a newborn, recovering from a c-section and healing my back thing isn't quite working like I thought it would. Of course, I didn't count on sciatica complicating things. I'm still working on the birth story and will have it up soon.

Yes, my back is still bothering me. I've visited my chiropractor twice now since leaving the hospital a week and a half ago and while my back is 100% better, it's still not better. Meaning that while I can mostly walk around the house and do a couple of things here and there like take care of the baby without sobbing (something I couldn't do the first couple of days we were home), I'm still pretty much housebound and will remain this way for at least a few more days.

What I should have done was visit my chiropractor the day before Phoebe was born. I had an appointment scheduled for that morning. But, I talked myself out of it because I thought all my problems were because of the baby resting on the nerve. But unbeknownst to me, my hip was out too and that really caused a massive amount of inflammation.

So, two chiro visits later, a little rest, some well placed ice packs and massive amounts of Advil and Vicodin and I'm at 75%. This is a huge improvement over when I first got home. Then, I would say I was at 25% - maybe lower. Add in a healthy dose of baby blues and you have one unhappy new momma.

Now, for my friends who know my history of depression, I know what you're thinking. The difference here is how I feel. When I've been depressed, there was a certain amount of hopelessness - that feeling that things would never improve but would just stay miserable forever. This is different. I know that things will improve, but I am frustrated and impatient and want said improvement NOW!!

Also, I am crying a lot. I don't cry when I'm depressed. I rave. I rant. I pull into myself and don't talk. This is like PMS on acid. I get weepy over commercials and lyrics from songs. I'm also crying a lot in frustration - see above.

During depressive episode, I also have a tendency to want to stick close to the house. This time? I'm itching to get out. It's only my back and the fact that I have a 13 day old infant that keeps me at home.

Yes, I said a 13 day old infant. How incredible is that?

What should have never happened - did. What miracle and a joy she is! She is without a doubt the happiest baby I've seen. You may call her smiles gas, but I'm going to say she's happy. She is quite content with herself and seems to just take joy in being alive.

Something we can all learn from...

There's more coming tomorrow.. I PROMISE!!

Now that we've been home for a few days and I'm feeling a little better, I wanted to take a chance to thank everyone for their good wishes. It was great to check e-mail on my cell phone and see so many good thoughts coming our way.

In keeping with my tendency towards full disclosure here, I am writing a really long post about our birth story. Look for it to be online tomorrow - Saturday at the latest.

Here's a pic to tide you over...

First pic of Spider Monkey




From: John Saye <gaariel@yahoo.com>
Sent: Wednesday, July 16, 2008 2:53 PM
To: Amanda Saye <hyppychick@yahoo.com>
Subject: Phoebe





Sent from my iPhone

She's here! Phoebe Elizabeth joined the world at 9:18 this morning. She weighs 8 pounds and 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long.

She's here! Phoebe Elizabeth joined the world at 9:18 this morning. She weighs 8 pounds and 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long.

--
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Tomorrow is the DAY!!

We're scheduled for a c-section tomorrow at 9:30 AM.

I am excited, scared, ready.

As soon as I or Moo can operate the cell phone, I'll send some photos to the blog. Meanwhile, my brain is too busy to put together a serious entry.

Her lungs are now mature and we're ready to rock and roll!!!

Third time is the charm and my ass hurts!!

Ok, so Friday was the second amnio to check Spider Monkey's lung maturity. I first had an appointment at House O'Babies with nice midwife Lois and then it was next door to the perinatologist's office for the amnio.

Lois assured me that the pelvic girdle pain I've been feeling is totally normal and that besides a belly belt, there's not a lot we can do. Sigh..

Next it was down the hall to Dr P's office. As I've said before, I really like my perinatologist, but by the end of this last visit, I'd be glad never to see him again.

It took THREE attempts to get the fluid sample. The first one didn't "feel" right. The second one was thwarted by baby's leg - which he tried to move by jostling my belly while the NEEDLE WAS IN MY STOMACH. But it was the last attempt that made me almost jump off the table. The first syringe he drew up was full of blood - not a good sample. He changed out the syringe while the needle was still in my belly and can I say GOOD GRIEF THAT HURTS YOU B!$T!RD?!?!

I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I didn't make a noise through the first two attempts. I just kept my breathing slow and easy and my eyes focused on the ceiling. By the end of the third attempt, I was whimpering and telling him this had better be the last attempt.

I realized as I walked to the car afterwards that the first amnio back on July 1 was a walk in the park compared to this. After that first one, I didn't really have any cramping, just soreness at the injection site. This time, I had painful cramps and thought I'd vomit from the pain.

For the rest of the evening, I lounged on the couch. I had some severe contractions, but they would go away if I changed position or drank something.

Of course, looking back, there was funny moment. I was walking out of Dr P's office after the procedure. You have to walk through the waiting room to exit. As I walked through, I said to myself but loud enough for anyone to hear, "That hurt like a son of a bitch!" I saw more than one preggo look at me in fear and surprise, like what kind of ultrasound did she have?!?! I know a little sick and twisted of me, but you take your kicks where you can when you've been stuck in the belly with a giant needle 3 times!!!

Next appointment is tomorrow (Tuesday) with both another MD at House O'Babies and Dr P to find out results of the amnio.

Saturday, I was feeling a lot better, so Moo and I decided we'd go do something nice and easy. So we went to see Hellboy II - very good, I highly recommend it.

While we were in the theater, I felt SM shift and I think she dropped or lightened or whatever folks call it now. I went into the theater with pelvic girdle pain and left with sciatica. By yesterday morning, I was finding it difficult to walk.

This morning, I'm ok, but the sciatica is incredible. I can stand up with no pain and sit with no pain which is new. With the pelvic girdle issue, both of these were an issue. Now it's moving one foot in front of the other that makes me wince.

My co-workers are amused when I suddenly yell out, "My ASS HURTS!".. Really, these people have no idea of how to deal with me.

Hysterical

I am at a complete loss of what to write here. So many things are happening and not happening all at the same time.

Last time I posted, I told you guys about having an amniocentesis to check Spider Monkey's lung maturity.

On Thursday, I went back to House O'Babies. They had the initial report from the perinatologist stating that the tests suggest immaturity and suggesting a repeat amnio in 10 days. I discussed this with midwife Michael and said that another amnio 10 days later would put us squarely at the end of week 37 and that I had been told that House O'Babies would want to induce/section me the very next week (week 38) according to their protocols so I wasn't sure what the purpose of another amnio was. Michael agreed with me, but said that we needed to discuss further with Dr Potter (the perinatologist).

Spider Monkey was in a funny position on Thursday and it was difficult to get her heartbeat so Michael wanted me to come back on Monday both to consult about the amnio again and to get the NST. Michael also checked my cervix - still no effacement (thinning of the cervical lip) or dilation (opening of the cervical opening).

So I had the whole holiday weekend to decide that I did not want another amnio. I was pretty adament about this.

Monday afternoon found me back at House O'Babies. This time, my appointment was with midwife Stephanie. She took my blood pressure (122/72) and monitored my urine for glucose and protein (still no glucose in the urine - good sign and still a trace of protein - which they aren't worried about right now). Then she strapped me into the NST. We got Spider Monkey's heart beat immediately and got the results we needed pretty quickly. Then, we went on to discuss the situation with the amnio. Stephanie said that she had consulted with one of the OB/GYN's and they wanted Dr Potter to reevaluate the size of the baby and go over the amnio results with me before we decided what to do. Stephanie called Dr Potter's nurse who also thought that we might go ahead and repeat the amnio on my next appointment and wanted to see fresh biophysical profile information.

So Monday night/Tuesday morning, knowing that this appointment was pretty important, I did what I do when in an uncertain situation. I woke up at 2 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. As always, my mind was racing. After about 30 minutes, I decided that I'd get up and take a bath.

Should I admit to you how scared I was and am? Should I admit to crying hysterically in the bath tub? Should I admit to all the fears of trouble during delivery I have?

These are real fears. I realize too that these fears are normal for a woman in the 37th week of pregnancy. I also realize that women in the third trimester can be weepy.

I am just so miserable at this point that I will do anything to speed this up. Walking is a joke - my pelvic bones feel like they are grinding when I walk. Sitting doesn't help at all. In fact, sitting for longer than a couple of minutes makes walking even more painful for a few minutes. Lying down barely helps. Like sitting, when I first get up to walk after lying down, it's agony.

So when I got in the tub at 2:30 in the morning, I spent a lot of time crying about the pain I felt, about the fears I have about delivery. I finally got back to sleep about 4:30. So, when the clock went off at 5AM, there was no way in hell I was going to work. Moo was in the tub by then and said he thought I should stay home and that he should take me to my doctor's appointment that afternoon.

So yesterday afternoon, we went in for a full biophysical profile, ultrasound and consultation with Dr Potter.

The baby still looks great. Her growth slowed down a little which is great and means that I'm successfully managing the gestational diabetes. She's gained less than half a pound since the last profile and is now an estimated 8 pounds 4 ounces.

However, Dr Potter told me that the amnio was "terrible". Her lung maturity at 36 weeks 2 days was that of a baby that was 26 weeks. It's too late for steroid injections which would help speed up the maturity and only time will help now. He also recommended another amnio on July 11.

So it's back on Friday for another amnio and I was back in the tub last night hysterical again. This time, I was't worried about delivery. I was crying for my little girl.

The lungs are the last system to mature in babies. Gestational diabetes aggravates this and causes a slow down in the maturation. SM's lungs are nowhere near ready to work on their own and delivery now would probably mean a stay in NICU. I have no idea what any of this means long term. Dr Potter said that her lungs will eventually mature, but whether it's in utero or out is now the question.

I realized this morning on the way to work that I need to think about this another way... my body knows that SM isn't ready to come out. It's not uncommon to begin dialating weeks prior to delivery. But I'm not effacing or dialating, so my body is still holding on to her, still waiting for the perfect time to deliver and I have to have faith in this.

But I still need a miracle. My little girl needs a miracle.